My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
