he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
