the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
