this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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