I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
