I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
