Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
