I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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