I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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