I can text with my tongue
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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