Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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