I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You are a genius and a whore.
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