Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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