I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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