Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
