If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
