Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
