So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
