Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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