Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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