who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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