dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
