Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
