I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
