If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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