he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
