I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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