i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
