I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
