Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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