There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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