so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
