I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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