I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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