All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
