my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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