I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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