She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
