Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
