you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We had to coat check the pizza.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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