she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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