i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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