I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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