Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
