who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
