Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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