I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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