when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
