I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
