And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
